It's all about how you feel.Less you are expecting something, faster it goes.More agog you are ,more you should feel each click.It's all about you.Have you ever felt you really want to go to bed now and wake up one week later ? or maybe one year later?
Wow! Sometimes it's so precious you can not waste a drop of it and sometimes it's so useless you prefer to demolish all the things related to it. So many typical proverbs about it but I think most of them has been made when the creator has been in such a fine mood.All the proverbs are like that. aren't they? They never talk about you desperate or never having a bad dream. All in a very non-creative way.
Anyways try to focus on the subject.Is it really precious or some useless fake ,boring ,snobbish tick tack always getting late ?
Anyway i think it is worth spending in a good mood ,creating something and trying to make love cuz when it's passed it's more depressing! ;)



I don't know what happened at the back of my mind.I was just chatting and talking with my friends till I received this image of yours just by accident and it made me remember a great deal of my inside.You are the only colored picture of mine in this blog. When I saw this photo of yours , I just don't know what happened but I remembered so many memories I haven't even experienced.I have always been an observer.I never felt anything but I am just creative.I only try to imagine and then defend any purity which any human-being can see which most of the time it's neglected.I see so human of you in this photo so human.That's why you are a human-being. Didn't you think about everyone around you and someone like me in your next children? Didn't you think about me here watching your picture trembling from anger or hate ?Didn't you think about something heavy in my throat ready to explode any time? If my dad sees this photo of yours I know he will begin to cry either in front of me or somewhere I can't see.Those somewhere-s which I have never seen .Those somewhere-s with a cold pipe of a gun aimed on your head in the middle of nowhere deciding about your future in your own fatherland.I've never seen those days , those moments but the only thing I can say is :

I can't and won't ever imagine you in the middle of that cold yard with those animals surronding you and that damned rope around your neck



Which one's better ? Colored or white? Which more exciting C or C# ? You ask in which way? ofcourse if it's about the skin you prefer white don't you? I promise at least once in your life it has passed ur brain that those black or south-american men has poisoned our planet with drugs and black money. Have you ever made fun of some special nation or ethnicity for their stupidity or parsimony or their attitude toward criminality or toward terrorism? Have you ever humiliated a special group people due to their race, color, religion or their ideological trend at the back of your mind and just called it "nothing but my own ideas"? have you ever thought that these "my own ideas" have the potential power to poison lots of uneducated minds or educated minds around you?
Have you ever thought that maybe those big taboos which we don't dare to talk about because of their dreadful deeds have started somewhere around us? Somewhere so close with similiar ideas about some groups?
Why can't we just keep everything in this world? Why can't we just talk about wars between nations without talking about their religious tendencies? What have WE done ? what have WE done for this planet which makes us so proud of ourselves or sure of our races? does it really matter whose head is bigger or whose feet are longer? so why does this skin color matter so much? In so many centuries these species ,these human-beings have ruined and spoiled the planet with wars , racism, religious persecution or abuse. We are failed so don't blame people other than us that may look unfamiliar to us for our failures and don't forget we will teach the next residents of earth how to play the piano!!
Just watched the movie "Crash (2004)" last night.I think it was moving! Thanks Mr.Paul Haggis!
And don't forget :
Because the line between,
Wrong and right,
Is the width of a thread,
From a spider's web
The piano keys are black and white
But they sound like a million colours in your mind


High Hopes

Have you ever missed your good old friend so much that you wish it was possible to get all the way back to those shining moment only for 1 minute or so.Those remembering , never-getting-back , wild and free moment which passed all with listening to some songs and playing some tunes on the piano so seriously which we were feeling it is gonna be a new version of Lennon, John , De Burgh , Morrison , Waters , Gilmour or The King. Still missing those flashes with my eyes closed and feeling ourselves in front of wembely stadium playing for thousands of fans just dying out there for you two never-seperated friends. This is the enviroment which we could create something or maybe think of something new at. Oh ! those laughing-to-death seconds and those getting angry at everybody flashes. Those never returning pictures which I don't have a single photo of them and made me go on all these years without looking around but walking steadily toward my dreams .Yeah buddy , I still think about me and yourself in front of a black old Yamaha piano with you hangin with your guitar, standing on one foot down and one foot on my piano's chair singin:

There are those who fail
There are those who fall
There are those who will never win
But there are those who fight for the things they believe
There are men like you and me


Pro Impetus

Today taking a shower (A nice place to think) discovered that I should start my second part of "Requiem Aeternam".It's named "Pro Impetus".At the moment Im looking for a real horny theme and so much rythm that I've always been so thirsty of.Thinkin of something really jazzy and something that blows anybody's head at the end. I've almost composed every part I wanted under the shower.Im begining to feel alive again. To create something .Something unique.Something that I think would be the best i've ever written.I really wish you could feel this way my friends.It's GREAT and nobody can find it out except for someone who can create something not only some middle man or a second hand buyer. These days I don't feel like writing here, Just finished "West wind,East Wind" by Pearl Buck, Heard the news about Israel and Lebanon and waiting for some kind of trip to another city for something I've been waiting for a long time.



It's sometimes necessary for any human being to stop riding on the routine of life and wait some seconds in a stop somewhere in the middle of the desert of his lonliness to find out what he has been through and what he is gonna do later. Some things or some ones in your life are just a pace away from you, like you have had them all through your life but you never gonna find out what happens if this one pace turns to two paces. When they are close you are thinking about so many things but you don't realize it's their presence that provides such an ambience for you to even think!
It's true even in music.Sometimes a long pedal note makes you so unaware of what is going on at the back, but when it stops you start to hate the whole piece because of that emptiness or maybe you just mention it as compoer's inability. That's life too.
So in my opinion try to keep the ostinato and enjoy improvizing on it cuz it's all like JaZz!



Have you ever been so exhausted inside that you couldn't even move your leg. Suddenly everything you mention as a problem is rushing toward your mind.You think about your childhood about every snapshots you have had in your life. So heavy and apathetic that you don't even remember what u like and what u hate the most. It's a matter of mind. It's a game but hard and dangerous one. When somebody shows some love to you or some love-making you just get chardged because you remember you love him/her but after a couple of seconds you get back to your languid situation. I think it's only about something you have forgotten in your life. Something you have missed. I don't know what but there must be something.You feel like you are going to have a trip and you are at the door locking and you always are thinking "I must have missed something" .Days are passing one by one and when it goes on like this it gets fast so fast that you wonder how you were doing in the past with those tons of time. You feel getting old and older and older.Maybe some of those wise men in the fairy tales can tell what has happened to you and where is the antidote maybe just stand up and follow the string ....
Today heard about Syd Barret death.He was away from the business for about 20 years living an isolated life in Cambridge and you know what? he was with his mom.What was going on there with this crazy diamond? 20 years is such a long time to follow a string !



Oh Beslan! How could you bear that much hatred inside ? How could you watch your children fall down one by one and stay calm?

Today I was just surfin the news and found out about Basayev and (maybe) his ending. Felt that I should free my inside by saying these words. I searched for some pictures of Beslan tragedy in September 2004 and found many galleries and started to watch them one by one. I couldn't continue.Saw so dreadful photos that begun trembling inside.
How savage, barbaric , brutal , narrow-minded and finally STUPID a human being can be to do such things to his own kind and to the children who are far far away from our world's fucking politics ,religions and wars.
Sometimes you and me and many people think if any idealogy can turn human soul to such ruthless thoughts. It was better it has never existed. We have forgotten everything.yes we should confess. We have forgotten what god, humanity and holy books are good for. We just know some symbolic shits in order to show everybody how different we are ! to show that the whole planet is rotting and It's not OUR fault. It's theirs ! those non-believers! those shits! those wild beasts! Yeah, everything's at Putesco!


Imagine ! You walking on the sidewalk getting to a beggar on the street who is crying for a bit of bread. Now imgine yourself making a deal with him to give him ten box instead of getting naked for 10 seconds. Now get back to your seat .What do you expect him to do? I know that it's different in different people. But by instinct what do you expect?
Imagine a country getting out of some marxism enviroment taking steps toward freedom. Have you thought of those slaves freed in just one night? slaves which have lived all their life in some sluggish society. Now you expect them to earn anything? and to export anything more than strippers, prostitutes and diseases?
Today I was thinking about some weeks ago that I happened to see some of them in another area. Tired but dancing all night with their apathetic eyes looking for some lights or a sign from anybody to spend the night somewhere better. This is not poetic ,this is not mentioning the name "prostitute" gloriously in some european style intelectual books or poem. It's about a crime a all-through-the-ages villainy. About some not-gifted freaks counting money behind the daughters of such great cultures that nowhere around the europe you have seen such depth. The societites which have created such phenomenons as ballet , opera , symphonies , quartets and poems. Don't just pay your entry and watch . It's about getting depressed when watching someone getting sliced in front of you and some barbarians asking for more.



Last night we had a tough storm going on here.As you have experienced it's always so rough but in my opinion when occured to you just think about the after-storm ambience. The rain washes all the dust and suddenly it seems everything has become so new that you can't even remember how arid you were before that. It becomes so calm so relaxing that you won't even remember the thunders .It becomes so energic and hopeful which you dont even recall runnin-for-shelter moments. It needs only patience and you will see the result. Ofcourse afterward still feel muggy and maybe think you'll never get drained but don't worry ! It fades away like it has started and the process continues to another dusty night and another washing away. Human spirit needs even more than that to be called " a perfect soul ".



Your lips, delicate as poetry,
turn the most voluptuous kiss
into such a coyness
that the cave animal uses it
to become human.
And your cheeks, with two oblique lines,
that lead your pride
and my destiny
I who have endured the night
without being armed
in anticipation of the dawn
and have brought back
a proud virginity,


So what's gonna happen to that veil of yours? [The most disgraceful gift ,human-being has ever created] . What's gonna be next? Deforming all your face and skin with the sword of barbarians?!? Just to protect your virginity , just to prove other sinners you haven't been born a sinner? what's this word "sin" anyway? Aren't those celestial books full of sins which those picked servants of our Supreme Being have done?

Do it and keep it tight cuz under that black cover of your failure you can see more of God than anyone on this frustrating planet!!



Where all those faces have gone?
All those looks which made me staring at the small frame of my TV for hours. Made me watch someone else's notalgias for so many times.Have u watched any picture for 50 times?
Never stopped watching!!

You might have heard this :

You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is still (just) a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by

Remember the shot in "Cinema Paradiso" which one of the cinema fans there had memorized all the lines of a romantic movie?


Every person you meet in your life has so many faces.

At first this is their ideal picture they have always wanted to be.

Second the image they think it's better to be in confronting you .

Third the face that they think is more proper these days in this place.

Fourth the character they think it's better to be in order not to be a sinner.

Fifth the "inside" they don't like to be but they always appear this way by instinct.

Sixth the face that think if they wouldn't be like that It would be a great insult toward the ones before him.

Seventh the face that they think they wouldn't be like that they have been so fanatic toward the time.

Eighth the complete package they actually are !

PS. Pooooof! You never gonna find such a complicated animal in any zoo. So maybe that's why he is the wildest!


It's sometimes so supernatural to see some reflections inside people. You just take a look at something , someone or some place that you realize meanwhile that you are watching some shining in it which you 've never seen in any human-related phenomenon. Makes you take it into consideration that every species on earth has some supernatural gifts inside them and maybe they should only find out how to reflect their self-divinity.

Do those geniuses I talked about lately really believe in any paradise? any hell? or just pretending?
I think human race are the wildest and the most free creatures has ever been existed on earth. Nobody can tame them really. Anybody who has claimed such a thing has vanished in very few centuries.
Today I was thinking about Theo Van Gogh and what happened to him at the end .

Did he really get tamed at last?!



What's all this crap about arts? do they all knew what they're gonna be? banging your head to the wall to learn all those creepy techniques to analyze what they have not thought about that much. Maybe its better just to get relax , think about the sexiest thing you've ever done and then do it and when you got empty again think about something else.
[Does anyone gonna read these lines or just some bullshit comming out of some stuck mind struggling on doing some simple notes?]
How can I make people weep through my note sheets?
Once Boris Ivanovich Tishchenko told me that Shostakovich has suddenly begun weeping all over his face on the primiere of his 8th string quartet.


It's actually strange that "hearing a good news " and rememberin "something you gotta worship" have direct connection.Don't you get ashamed when such things happen? why should such superior power want you embarrased?

Reminds me of a wise man said :

"All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie."

Today I remembered !?


Pro Patria

I think I did it.Yesterday finished the first part of a 3-movement piece named "Requiem Aeternam".the first part named "Pro Patria".uses the popular iranian theme "Ey Iran" in MY style.Mostly like having a rough sex with the theme.
Dear persian patriots will kick my ass!!#@!
Should start the 2nd part.


A poem is a naked person... Some people say that I am a poet.

Just the Begining

in a land unknown
at a time yet not arrived.
Thus, I was born

within the forest of beast and rock.